Less than bad

One of the most painful feelings is deception. When someone you appreciate and admire, even idealising him/her, disappoints you one day, you feel it like a shot direct to the heart. If that affect and admiration are big, the pain is even bigger. But Ana knows well the pain. It's her tireless partner. She's glad to receive it; it has become her best teacher. That's why she walks without a single doubt direct to that pain.

She opens the door carefully once she has assured herself there's no one around. She can't come into, but she can look Rafa pouring some water on his face, with a rutinary gesture, and he looks at the mirror. His face is sad, of a devastating sadness. Ana feels a stab of pain in her heart. Why is he like that?

Rafa finds out, thanks to the mirror, that she's looking, and her worried face. He feels guilty again. It's unfair that she feels like that for him. Though a part inside him jumps selfishly with pure joy.
-Ana-he just says.
-Err...-Ana doesn't know once she's found out-. I came to look how you were.
-And how am I supposed to must be?-he answers, and it seems like he's talking to himself more than to her.
-You had a horrible face-she replies, like excusing herself.

Rafa doesn't answer. He leans on the washbasin, and looks at her. Ana feels vulnerable with that look, so intense. He can't be looking at her that way; it seems as if...
-Then are you alright?-she says, more to break the uncomfortable-at least to her-silence.
-Less than bad-he answers



Extract from "Always pretending" (2006-2008)